You think you know, but you don't know

Things don't seem to be working out with Noel. I took her out for dinner at a fancy restaurant and the whole date just seemed awkward as hell and I felt like she was distracted the entire time. I asked her if everything was ok and she just kept saying everything was fine and I was like ok. So we finished dinner and I was like where to next... and she was like I think I better go. I was like what's wrong and I put my arms around her. She didn't say much so I leaned in to try and kiss her and she shied away from me. I was like wtf is going on? She told me that her exboyfriend who had dumped her showed up at her house last night and told her it was the biggest mistake he had ever made in his life and he totally regretted it and he wanted her back. So she told me that she was going to give things another go and so she couldn't see me anymore. I said "well this is fucking bullshit" and I stormed off to my car and jut left her standing there in the parking lot thinking, let her find her own way home.

So moving on, the good thing is that I didn't put all my eggs in one basket. I was smart enough to continue relations with the other girls that I had been chatting with online on the dating site. There is 5 or 6 different girls that I have been exchanging messages with and they are all really cool. I feel like a real player or a real stud being able to talk to so many different girls at once. Also I think I learned a valuable lesson in terms of how much emotional commitment I want to give away to new girls. I have a hard time keeping things really casual. I have a tendency to let me emotions get the better of me and the next thing I know I am basically falling for these girls. I can not afford to allow myself to go down that road. If I do that, I may end up with the wrong girl and I may make the same mistake again and wind up unhappy in 3 years from now or something like that. I have a really hard time dealing with women and relationships etc. I had a thought the other day that it might be better if I just stayed single for the rest of my life and if I felt horny to just seek out the company of a prostitute. I wish I was capable of being that objective and being able to follow through on such a notion but I know deep down that I want someone to care and love me and I want to be able to return the favor. I am working right now on trying to setup dates with these various women.